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Duhai Kasih..
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I had a terrible dream that I was dead.Literally dead,body wrapped and lying on the floor.I remember my mom beside me,looking me at me.My eyes were open,but I knew I was dead.I was scared.Then the people who would carry me off,lay me in a metal case came & i knew it was time for me to go,to be buried,to leave everyone I love in the world.I imagined myself alone,figuring out what will be done to my soul and body,that I would be called upon the One.The funny part was,I could walk after being wrapped and all.I was laying down on the board,I saw people looking at me,smiling.I fel really scared.I have not repent and I want to repent.I want to meet all the people that I have not met.I thought for awhile,if i was dead,why were my eyes open?Why could I walk?Or was i just floating around?I felt really really scared.It was unbearable.I wanted to cry.I cried.I sat up and ran..Ran into my home,ran to my mother,hid in the bathroom and begged her not to let me go.She just smiled,she smiled.I cried.I was helpless.I did not want to go.I'm not even married,I want to have kids,I want to be a good person.I wasnt ready to die!I wanted to be with my friends,I want to love them,laugh smile cry with them.I want the people who I love.I felt lost.I begged her.I begged and begged.I was alive! I could walk! I could run! But why should I be buried?! I hate the dark! I hate the small space!Mom was holding on to my handphone.I wanted to take it away,but I was scared to go out of the bathroom.Afraid I would be tied down and brought to the graveyard.The place where I would go and never come back,to love,to live and to laugh.
Dear God,I was scared.I am scared.I am traumatised.What is this suppose to mean?I can even cry right now.I'm afraid to sleep.To dream of a terrible thing again.
And then I woke up.I cried my heart out.I was scared.I am scared.I am traumatised.
Dear God.Please forgive me for all my sins.I am not ready to die,nor am I ready to leave my loved ones.Dear God,please,listen to me.
Amin.
2:13 am
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